Black Bean Chili

I recently found this Buzzfeed post about people who are apparently “worse at cooking” than me. At first glance, I thought I might be able to challenge them with my sad attempt at Pad Thai a few years ago (which tasted a little like cardboard and was long before this blogging adventure), until I saw pictures of pasta on fire and people using tennis racquets as colanders, and I decided that I have come a very, very long way.

Don’t worry, though. I still totally suck at grocery stores.

Trader Joe’s, I thought you were my friend. It’s less-than-friendly, though, on a Thursday afternoon at 4:30. Everyone who’s had a tough day at work is busy picking up $4 bottles of wine, and I’m just trying to find my way to the jalapeños.

I suddenly found myself trying to merge into some imaginary grocery store traffic lane. It was as if everyone was waiting in a well-organized line, making their way over to one single onion, perusing the cheese sticks on the way. The thing is, I didn’t want the damn cheese sticks. I just wanted an onion. I was suddenly aware that my shopping cart did not carry a turn signal.

So, I haphazardly threw myself into the line of people and grabbed the onion. People were staring at me as if I had just disturbed some unspoken law of the Trader Joe’s produce aisle. I’m thinking this law would read something like, “Pretend to look at shit until you get to the thing you actually want. Grab it quickly. People are waiting.”

I also simply had no idea where one might find a can of diced tomatoes. I did, however, find a can of plum tomatoes – which I assumed was probably the same thing.

It is not the same thing.

I got home with most of the appropriate ingredients, and realized I could not remember the name of the recipe I was supposed to be following. I had written down all of the ingredients without actually writing down the name/website of the recipe. Of course I did. That, and I was cooking for friend.

Luckily, I have really awesome friends who don’t seem to mind when it takes me approximately the same amount of time to cut a pepper as it would to solve a Rubik’s Cube.

I was making vegetarian black bean chili. I must specify that it was “vegetarian” chili, because Jared asked if I was adding turkey approximately seven times. It’s not that I’m against the meat…it’s just that I’m too lazy to cook it sometimes.

So, away I went with sautéing the veggies in a pan. I would like to point out that the onions were cut into nearly perfect cubes – due to a particularly effective onion-cutting method my brother-in-law introduced me to. (Though Jared claims this was not, in fact, the same technique my brother-in-law taught me, and that I had basically just invented a new way to cut an onion). I’ll take it. I’m clearly very talented.

So pretty

Aside from taking me an extraordinarily long time to cut vegetables, this recipe is extremely easy. I did add a “dash” of worcestershire sauce and Cajun Power Sauce. (That is real, there is a such thing as “cajun power sauce”. I have added a picture for proof). You pretty much know anything with that name is going to be awesome.

Cajun POWER!

The full recipe can be found here. Below is a really exciting picture of all of the ingredients thrown in a pot.

Chili in a pot

The Finished Product!

I won’t say it’s easier than a casserole, but it’s pretty damn easy. (Oh, and we had diced tomatoes at home. phew.)